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Written by JJ Barnes
I interviewed author Jason Fisher about how losing his wife unexpectedly inspired him to write his book, To Where You Are, and the work that went into it.
I grew up in a small farming community Eastern Iowa, in the midwestern United States. I came from a family of modest means, with parents who divorced while I was just seven years old. I paid my way through college and graduate school by working multiple jobs and taking out a few student loans as needed.
I have an undergraduate bachelor’s degree in business and political science from Coe College, a master’s degree in public service from the Clinton School at the University of Arkansas, and a degree in geosciences and operational meteorology from Mississippi State University as a second bachelor’s degree. I have spent the bulk of my career working as a nonprofit executive in fields such as higher education fundraising, genetic research and advocacy, and consumer safety.
I met my late wife, Mandi, in 2002 and we were married in 2006. We have one child, Mackenzie, who has a rare genetic syndrome and accompanying intellectual disability. Mandi passed away unexpectedly in 2012 at age 30 when Mackenzie was just two years old.
I first had the idea of writing this book in 2016.
I attempted to begin writing in 2016 but struggled a bit with the emotional nature of finding the right words to explain my grief journey. It wasn’t until 2019 that I had both the time and a peace in my heart to transfer all the stories and thoughts in my mind into written words.
I wrote my first book, an industry publication for higher education fundraising, in 2008. From the starting point to the release of the book took six months.
A little less than six years. Four of those years were spent starting and stopping, outlining and reframing my strategy, and continuing to heal. The last two years I really put pen to paper and the words seemed to flow out quite naturally.
I had several reasons for writing this book. First, I wanted to memorialize my wife and talk about the fantastic person she was in life. Second, I wanted to leave behind a lasting memory for my daughter, who was two years old when her mother passed. She has rare chromosomal abnormality that has left her intellectually disabled, so it may take time for her to fully comprehend who her mother was in life.
I also wrote it for those suffering from grief, helping to provide another viewpoint about how somebody in a somewhat similar position handled the challenges of loss over a long period of time. But I must say, I also wrote this book for me – to help heal from my emotional trauma.
I had a difficult time determining how I wanted to start the story. After many attempts to find the right words, I decided that if I could not write about the worst day of my life, I could not properly frame the contrast for the reader between where I started and how I progressed through the journey. Once I had that epiphany, the words seemed to naturally come to me and the narrative flowed easily onto the paper.
The events I experienced were seared into my memory, so it didn’t take much research to write the stories. However, I journaled extensively very early in the grief journey, and I relied on a tremendous amount of memorabilia I had collected when I began dating Mandi. The book is historically accurate, and I took no liberties with embellishing the story. It simply is written precisely how it occurred.
I outlined each time period I wanted to include, recalled and wrote down as many details and stories as I could remember that were relevant, and continually refined my materials until well into the first draft of the book.
I edited the first two rounds by myself before submitting the proposal to various publishers, which took a considerable amount of time. I wanted as polished of a product as I could get before sending it for consideration. Ultimately, there were several more rounds of developmental and structural edits, revising and adding to the story until we captured the moments and my thoughts in the most dynamic, yet concise way as possible.
Be patient with yourself. Let your ideas percolate and be sure to find time to step away from the writing process occasionally and give your mind a chance to reframe how the story could be told. I had some of my best ideas when I was doing yard work or exercising. For me, activity seems to open my portal to creativity.
I haven’t fully settled on the next project just yet, but there is certainly a story to be told about my daughter’s rare disability and why we as a society should be embracing our growing population of special needs kids and adults.
I’m incredibly proud of this book. It is the single most challenging and important project I have ever undertaken, and I have participated in endurance athletic events and also ran for the United States Senate. That gives some perspective on how much effort went into telling this story. I put my heart and soul into every word I wrote.
Website – www.towhereyouare.org
Facebook – @JasonFisherToWhereYouAre
Instagram – @towhereyouarebook
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